


I will always love you

by Querion



Series: Temporal love [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:54:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Querion/pseuds/Querion
Summary: This story is dedicated to the senior admiral Kathryn Janeway from Season 7 ( last season) and last episode of startrek Voyager series. The episode is called Endgame. I love her so much (Admiral Kathryn Janeway) and i have always found it too painful to write a story about her. So i have been concentrating on the younger Kathryn Janeway (the captain). Every time i watch the episode i cry when i see her die in the Borg cube to save the Voyager crews lives and most importantly Seven of Nine. (I know what you`re thinking. Why do i cry? It`s only fiction, after all. Well, i just do, lol!!)***Be warned that somewhere down the chapters there will be a character death***Anyway, on a lighter note, i think we should explore more on the brief period she had on Voyager before she sacrificed herself.





	1. Emptiness

Every morning, on her days off, admiral Kathryn Janeway stood at the large windows of her living room overlooking her well manicured gardens in San Fransisco. Lisa Lexington, her gardener and cook, always did a good job. The senior admiral, now 71 years old, always thought the younger woman resembled someone she knew. Yes, it seemed like a life time ago when she lost her precious friend whom she refused to mention her name. The older woman did not want to mention the name because if she did tears would start flowing without ceasing. She was taken back in time when she had tried mentioning the name twice before. On both occasions it messed up her week. She could not eat, drink or function. Lisa found her lying on her living room couch, unconscious. She had called Voyager`s Emergency Medical Hologram who diagnosed hypo glycaemia. He explained to Lisa that the admiral`s blood glucose levels had dropped too far below acceptable levels and if he had not arrived sooner she would have expired. The EMH had injected a glucose hypo spray and within seconds the admiral`s eyes fluttered then opened. She was confused at first then slowly her memory returned. Her cheeks reddened at seeing the Doctor and her maid standing over her. The admiral hated looking weak and vulnerable. She hated feeling this way even more. 

 

Lisa nodded silently and went to the kitchen to prepare a light meal of tomato soup with two slices of cheese on toast. Kathryn had eaten one and ate all her soup. She saw Lisa, who looked just like her lost friend nod and smile approvingly at her. In many ways Lisa was like her friend. She was tall, with blonde hair tied in a pony tail and had the same build. She spoke with economy of words and oozed confidence and sex appeal but she was also childlike and vulnerable. Did Janeway pick Lisa to be around her as a subconscious reaction to replace her friend? Many Voyagers, as the Voyager crew were known, believed this to be true but none mentioned it. The small group had grown very strong family bonds and were very protective of Kathryn Janeway. They had been together, stuck in the interpid class star ship, in the Delta Quadrant for twenty three long years.

 

Kathryn Janeway`s mind was brought back in the present when she heard someone calling her name. She turned around to see her Voyager chief engineer, B`Elanna Torres. Torres walked in and joined her former commanding officer at the windows. 

"Hello, admiral. Glad that i found you home." The engineer said as she reached her arms to hug the older woman.

"Hello, B`Elanna. Is the family alright? Where`s Miral?" 

 

A fourteen years old Miral appeared from behind the door she was hiding and came to stand next to her mother. She stole looks at the admiral every few seconds as if she could not believe that this woman talking to her mother was indeed the great admiral Janeway. B`Elanna had once explained to the admiral that her daughter has always been shy to speak with the admiral but she was intrigued and asked B`Elanna of all the little details in the admiral`s life. B`Elanna had once confided in Janeway that she was worried about the young woman`s conduct, that she may have a crush on the admiral. A serious crush, not an ordinary little girl/ young woman crush. Janeway threw her head back and laughed. After her mirth had subsided Kathryn had told B`Elanna that she wondered who would look up to or be interested in a woman so incompetent that she let her best friend die and kill twenty two more people. B`Elanna was happy that the little news had caused her former commanding officer to laugh as it seemed that the admiral laughed less as the years went by. The older woman also looked preoccupied with something. Torres also noted that the admiral`s words were guilt ridden and full of self chastisement. The Voyagers had a secret informal meeting where they discussed ways of finding out what was bothering their former commanding officer. They all knew that Janeway would not open up to just anyone but she had a soft spot for her former half Klingon chief engineer. So the group had sent Torres to try and find out.

 

The four women decided to have a barbecue in Janeway`s garden. Lisa and Miral brought everything they needed for the food preparation and the four women started the barbecue. Kathryn smiled and even laughed but Torres and Lisa noted that the smile was forced and did not quite reach her eyes. B`Elanna wondered whether depression was setting in again, just like the one Kathryn had while they traversed through the Void? 

 

A light bulb went off in Torres` head with understanding. She could not believe that the answer to the admiral`s sadness was staring right in her face. It was there all along in the form of Lisa Lexington. The young woman looked like Seven of Nine. Perhaps admiral Janeway was still in mourning, mourning for the loss of a dear old friend or possibly lost love. The half Klingon woman was one hundred percent sure of her discovery and could not wait to report back to her Voyager family.

 

That evening Lisa had finished her duty and went to the admiral`s bedroom to bid her good night but the older woman was nowhere to be seen. B`Elanna and Miral had returned home. Lisa looked around the big house and in all the likely places where she thought she may find the admiral but she was not in any of those places. She went to the study, the en suite and the back garden. Then a thought occurred to the younger woman. She went to the kitchen then down into the cellar and found a door. Lisa has been to the cellar many times before and even saw this old door but she had never thought much about it, let alone open it. Looking at the house plan on the 3D computer screen in the kitchen, the door Lisa now stood in front of should lead her to the back garden. So Lisa walked up the stairs again and into the main kitchen. She went round the house expecting to find a door leading to the cellar. There was none. Puzzled, Lisa walked back to the kitchen and down the cellar and stood at the door. She held the old fashioned handle and cautiously pushed it open. The young woman was surprised to find it unlocked. What was revealed to her caused her jaw to drop to the floor. 

 

Lisa quietly closed the door and walked back up the stairs and into the kitchen. She was a bit shaken but not surprised. She had seen holo images of the Voyager`s senior staff so many times before. In fact there was one in the very kitchen she now stood. Lisa was sure her vision had not failed her nor the Dominion had invaded her boss`s house in the form of impersonation as they preferred to do. Should she tell someone? Should she wait until the admiral finishes whatever she was doing? Lisa`s logical mind was pushed to the limit. `What should she do?` The young woman wondered. Finally she decided to leave the admiral a note that she was retiring for the day and will see her the following morning.


	2. Coping mechanism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Janeway uses her own illegal coping mechanism. Is there such a thing as an illegal coping mechanism? Does it matter what coping mechanism one uses to get by in life? 
> 
> Some may find this chapter weird and unethical as Janeway appears to be acting out of character, cynical even. In my defense, the younger Janeway (captain from the other timeline) did call the admiral cynical. Also i can honestly say that i only write what my muse tells me to and she`s quite the slave mistress and i have to obey her commands, lol!!

Admiral Janeway had a fairly good day in comparison to other days. She had a successful barbecue with her friend B`Elanna Torres, her daughter Miral Paris Torres and her trusted maid Lisa Lexington. The older woman was proud of herself for managing to stay that long without shedding any tears. Unfortunately during the barbecue they may have unintentionally mentioned some things about the other woman. After everyone left Janeway senior was feeling quite vulnerable. So she went down to her secret room down the cellar where she kept all her hidden technology she got from all her travels, the ones she found too precious to part with when they first arrived home ten years ago. She had to talk to her.

 

Kathryn walked into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea. She had stopped drinking coffee a long time ago. It reminded her too much of the other woman, her friend. She took her dented mug she had been using on Voyager and walked down the cellar. She flicked the old fashioned light switch on and proceeded to the unlabeled door. Her mind was heavy and she needed to unload it by talking to someone. Janeway opened the door and walked inside.

"Computer, activate the program Janeway, Seven lambda nine." She stood and waited.

 

The black and yellow grid transformed into a lush garden. Seven of Nine sat on a rock by a small stream, reading a padd. Her hair was down and she looked very much like the older woman remembered her friend. Janeway stood there for a while admiring her friend. She smiled and walked towards the younger woman. Seven heard footsteps approaching so she looked up from her padd.

"Kathryn, it has been a long time. How are you?" The holo Seven smiled at Janeway. Holograms usually do only what they have been programmed to do but Janeway`s advanced technology made them to reason and carry conversations where they left off from last time. In other words they continued to function and when the program has been ended by the user they are merely `asleep.` Kathryn had done many things but what she did with holo Seven was unthinkable. Years before when she was in sick bay and saw Seven of Nine lying on a bio bed, all bloodied and dying, the Borg woman had whispered something in Kathryn`s ears. She had told the older woman that she loved her. Janeway knew that this was wrong because the young woman was married to her first officer at the time. Janeway, as captain then, had quickly ordered the Doctor to extract the young woman`s consciousness and store it in the computer core. Then she deleted the particular sub routine from the Doctor`s memory files to make him forget the whole incident. Janeway had acquired the technology of consciousness transfer from the Illari people. One of them, Tieran, an alien warlord who once possessed Kes, the Ocampan female who was then on board her ship in the Delta Quadrant. When she got back to Earth, Kathryn Janeway transferred the consciousness to Seven`s hologram. She was still in the process of updating the holo Seven. Reginald Barclay and B`Elanna Torres were assisting her to create a mobile emitter similar to the Voyager`s Doctor`s to allow her freedom of movement in the house. Kathryn finally admitted to herself that she had indeed become evil as she had done a very unethical thing. Creating a hologram in someone`s image was frowned upon in the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet but using someone`s consciousness was as serious crime as genetic engineering of people. Was she turning into Reg Barclay with holo addiction?

"I`ve been better. I have come for an update. Do you remember last time i asked you about the possibility of going back in time?"

"How can i forget, Kathryn? It is unethical according to Federation standards. So i cannot assist you." Janeway pouted.

"What can i do to change that attitude? Hmm?" Kathryn asked the holo Seven as she joined her to sit beside her. She took the padd away from the young woman and took her hand in her own. She squeezed it gently and kept it in her lap.

"You know what i like." Seven rolled her eyes at the older woman`s obvious tactics but Janeway sensed that the younger woman loved the attentions. So she reached close and whispered something in the younger woman`s ears. She felt Seven shiver in reaction.

"Kathryn, flattery will get you nowhere. You know very well what i am programmed to do. I can do anything you want, anything at all." Seven turned around and brought Kathryn to sit on her lap facing her. She kissed the older woman hotly on the mouth then she started to unbutton her long sleeved blue blouse all the way down. Seven moaned at the creamy expanse of skin. The small breasts with pert nipples were beckoning to the younger woman. She found herself drawn to them.

"Kathryn, may i touch your breasts?" Seven asked politely. Janeway threw her head back and laughed at the request. The ex drone took advantage of the exposed neck and started kissing, licking and nibbling it. Kathryn felt shivers go down her body and her arms broke out in goosebumps and her nipples hardened to rocky peaks. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensations when Seven`s metal tipped left fingers gently grazed at the sensitive left bud while her right was engulfed by a hot wet mouth. The suctioning she felt as Seven sucked the breast then lightly at the nipple made juices flow between her lower lips. She could feel them getting engorged as the younger woman continued with her ministrations.

"Ohhh, my Annika. Please don`t stop." Kathryn said. Her hips began a slow rocking back and forth motion seeking more contact.

 

Seven of Nine alternated kissing the lovely breasts which were sagging a bit and that appealed to the young woman even more simply because they belonged to Kathryn Janeway. The Borg woman moved her left hand down Janeway`s body. Down she went until she reached the source of Kathryn`s molten heat. Unfortunately the older woman was almost fully clothed. Seven thought about it for a minute.

"Kathryn, will you object if i lay you on the grass and undress you?"

"Do whatever you want, i`m all yours." The aroused woman moaned.

 

Holo Seven lay Janeway on the green grass and pulled off her trousers and underwear off the older woman in one swift move. She spread the older woman`s legs apart to reveal engorged pink lower lips. Sparce hair was seen scattered in the region in an interesting fashion. The ex drone sat back on her heels to examine the beautiful sight.

"You are so very beautiful, my Kathryn." She breathed wondrously. Seven wanted to investigate more. She had to taste this woman. 

 

Overtaken by lust the ex drone reached her head between Janeway`s legs and kissed each inner thigh. Then she licked them. She felt Janeway jerk her legs and shivered. Seven sucked one engorged outer lip into her mouth then the other. She then used her hand to separate the lips which revealed inner lips which drew her strongly to them. She had to taste them. No she had to devour Kathryn. Kathryn felt moisture seeping out of her and moaned when she sensed Seven`s tongue licking it up.

 

Janeway felt a slight tremor starting from within. She welcomed it but Seven had stopped her ministrations. Kathryn sighed with frustration.

"Patience, my Kathryn. I want to give you a time you will remember for a long time. Would you like that?"

"Yesss!!" Janeway`s reply turned into a moan when she felt Seven`s lips wrap around her erect clitoris.

"Uhhh! Please more." The highly aroused woman shouted out her pleasure as Seven sucked on her clit with varying pressures and speed. Janeway felt three fingers enter her channel below and a slow in and out motion began. She thrust her hips trying to keep Seven`s fingers within herself and never let go.

"Ohhh! Ohhh! A..nni..k!" Her speech became more incoherent as her climax approached. When Seven slowed down again Kathryn pushed the young woman`s head to herself never wanting her to slow down. So the Borg woman sped up her ministrations. She sucked on the erect clit lightly at first then sped up her suctions alternating with swirling movements of her tongue. Moisture kept flowing out of the fully aroused woman. Seven attempted to time her suctions with the piston motions of her hand in the lower channel. Her other hand had gone up to play with Kathryn`s nipple. The wet suction sounds which filled the place were obscenely pleasant to Seven`s ears and the moaning sounds by Janeway were music to her ears. The whole scenario was extremely erotic. Janeway continued to meet every one of Seven`s thrusts in her channel in a desperate attempt at reaching her peak. 

"Come for me, my Kathryn." Seven said or rather murmured since her mouth was occupied. At that moment she felt muscles closing in on her fingers effectively trapping them within and rhythmic pulsations which went on for a few seconds. When the stronger waves had passed Seven was finally able to remove her fingers. She licked all of Kathryn`s offerings and her fingers then sat back on her legs again. This time she looked up at her lover and saw that Janeway had opened her eyes and was smiling at Seven. Her chest rose and fell deliciously as she tried to catch her breath.

 

The two women lay down on the grass next to each other until Kathryn started to doze off. Seven then told her to go and get some sleep while she work on the time travelling device.

"Kathryn, come back tomorrow. I will have completed your device. I still feel it is not safe and i do not want to get you hurt but since you say that once you travel in time you will change the timeline and perhaps we will see each other again. I believe that is possible. You will require the Klingon`s device we spoke of to embed your machine in. That is all you need."

"Thank you, Darling." Kathryn said and kissed her lover on the lips. When she felt fingers lightly playing with her nipples again she lightly swatted them away. 

"Later, Seven. Not now." She said and smiled at her holo friend. She quickly put her clothes back on and left the secret holo deck.

 

Janeway knew that if anyone discovered her secret room she will be taken into a highly secured psychiatric unit swarming with counselors and advanced pharmaceuticals. To her, however, this room was extremely therapeutic. Her interactions with holo Seven or Tuvok and the other dead Voyager crew was the only way she remained sane for all these years. So she carefully kept this place, developed it and perfected it. It became her sanctuary away from close friends and family when things got too difficult to handle. Counselors thought she had made great progress into recovering from loss of her crew and other hardships while Kathryn told them what they wanted to hear. Deep down Janeway knew that she will never recover from the losses especially of one dear friend. 

 

Lisa sat in her bedroom contemplating what she saw in her boss`s basement. She was not afraid but became extremely curious. Her first reaction was to tell someone but logic told her to at least wait until her mind had settled down and decided on what to do. Finally she figured that her boss would not want anyone to know about it but she was going to leave clues that she had been near the area. If the admiral brings the issue up then she may make an attempt at probing into the secret holo deck. If that fails then she will at least tell Reginald Barclay, The Voyager`s EMH or B`Elanna Torres. They will know what to do.


	3. The sad good bye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Janeway is determined to correct her past errors by going back in time.

The following weeks admiral Janeway started arranging things in the house, packing them and placing them in packing containers. She announced to Lisa that she had decided to go back to Bloomington to live on the family farm now that her mother had passed away, to look after the place. Phoebe had married a Frenchman and had gone off to France with her husband and two children where her art gallery was situated. Janeway strongly believed that if she traveled back in time and get her crew and younger self back home quicker than she did she might stand a chance of seeing her dear friend, Seven of Nine, and the whole crew again.

 

Lisa was sad to hear her boss go. She offered to go with the admiral but Janeway gave her the impression that she was not going to be there long, that she was going somewhere, possibly to the Klingon home world. Janeway`s maid knew deep down that her boss was deeply depressed and felt lonely or even guilty about something which the older woman was not willing to discuss with anyone. So she had been secretly cataloging the admiral`s behaviour. She presented the padd to the EMH one day when the older woman had yet another hypoglycaemic attack. He had come to the conclusion that admiral Kathryn Janeway was suffering from clinical depression but she hid it well. She even managed to fool the other Starfleet doctors and counselors. He shook his holographic head with worry and concern for his friend.

 

Voyager`s EMH went into the secret holo deck and had a chance to speak with holo Seven. He also got to meet all the holographic senior officers and some of the crew. The ho lo Doctor learned a lot about his very private friend from Seven of Nine who even revealed that she had an intimate relationship with the admiral. He was not surprised by that fact because many people did have relationships with holograms and even had intimate relations with them, usually the youth and even some adults did this. In the admiral`s case, however, it was something profound. She appeared to have suffered a deep loss which was irreplaceable. The old saying, `time heals` did not apply. When the EMH contacted B`Elanna Torres and explained his findings, the engineer did not seem too surprised.

"She has a hologram of Seven in her basement? I`m not surprised by that so tell me what`s new?" B`Elanna asked the Doctor.

"...not only Seven`s hologram. The real woman`s consciousness was transferred to the hologram. The other senior staff members are pure holograms like myself, though. B`Elanna, she is the real Seven of Nine." The half Klingon woman did not know what to think. Has the admiral completely lost her marbles? Or was she a genius? If anyone outside of their Voyager family knew about this Janeway would be immediately seized and taken by Starfleet security and locked away. So she and the Doctor agreed to keep their findings among the three of them. They made Lisa make an oath to not reveal anything. Torres threatened to kill her if she did. Suffice it to say that the maid complied with the order fully. 

 

Finally Janeway went to her first officer`s grave to explain all her plans. She was convinced that once she was through with her plans things will be easier for all of her crew, that their deaths will not be in vain.

 

Admiral Janeway called to see her friend the EMH. He suspected that she wanted to tell her of her depression but when he asked of her symptoms she claimed that she was `perfectly fine` and that he was the only doctor who still made house calls. He got curious when he recalled that in thirty three years of them knowing each other Janeway made every effort to avoid physical check ups but now she actually requested an examination ahead of schedule. He wondered what was really going on.

 

Janeway reassured the Doctor that she was merely taking a trip and wanted to get the appointment out of the way before she left. After the exam she invited him to have a seat and started making small talk. She asked him about his married life and the holo Doctor noted that his friend was packing her uniform and other clothes in a case and that she seemed unusually cheerful. Then she dropped the bombshell. She asked him if he was familiar with a drug called chronexaline. It was an experimental drug currently tested at Starfleet medical to determine if it can protect bio matter against tachyon radiation. Preliminary studies seemed to be promising so Janeway asked if she could have two thousand milligrams of the drug by the following day. When the Doctor asked for the reason for such an unusual request she simply pulled rank on him claiming that the reason was classified. He sighed and agreed to provide it by the following morning.

 

The following morning Janeway went to Reginald Barclay, her other good friend. He had downloaded all the necessary temporal information regarding the shuttle waiting for her at the Oakland shipyards. Then she hailed B`Elanna to update her that she will send her daughter back in one piece once her mission was over. Torres wanted to know more about the admiral`s mission and Miral`s involvement but the older woman was elusive, only telling the engineer things on the need to know basis. The engineer trusted the admiral that she would not let harm befall her daughter. Torres remembered how elated her daughter has been when the admiral appointed her as her personal assistant. Miral had travelled to a moon that same day to deliver admiral Janeway`s message to the house of Koroth. When Janeway met Miral at the Klingon`s house she was overjoyed to see the older woman. Her joy was short lived, however, as Janeway announced that that was where they parted company. To Miral it sounded as if she would never see her hero again. With a heavy heart the young woman started her journey back to Earth to her parents.

 

Koroth offered Janeway a Cardassian disruptor which he modified to emit a nadion pulse. Initially the Klingon agreed to give the admiral a chrono deflector in return after Janeway helped him rise in the Klingon ranks to get a seat on the Klingon High Council. Admiral Janeway honoured her end of the bargain. She did not expect Koroth to deceive her by changing the terms of their agreement. So she went away and came back to Koroth and stole the chrono deflector by beaming it to her SC-4 shuttle craft waiting in orbit above the moon. Kathryn had modified her shuttle with anti Borg technology and other advanced systems including ablative armour.

 

The determined admiral quickly deployed the ablative armour on her shuttle craft and headed to a secret set of coordinates in the Delta Quadrant with Koroth`s ship hot on her heels. Captain Harry Kim attempted to talk her out of her mission but she did not give in. The man knew that this was the last time he ever saw his beloved captain and admiral again. So he helped her fight off the Klingons while she opened a hole in space time to meet her younger self and hopefully see her friend again.


	4. Confusing discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Janeway discovers that her astrometrics officer is not as innocent as she has been led to believe. She wondered who the younger woman loved.

Janeway has been in the ready room all day trying to analyze some data given to her by her astrometrics officer. What confused Janeway was that Seven seemed to know what the results were going to be. In fact she had done the whole calculation of the warp core energy output just to see how powerful the star ship was. Naturally this was B`Elanna Torres` domain but the captain knew that the brilliant woman could handle just about any department and their systems on the ship. In fact she had done it before when Voyager traversed through a large nebula emitting deadly radiation. Seven guided the ship through for three weeks when the Doctor had gone offline as radiation had affected almost all of the ship`s systems. The truth was the captain was hiding from Seven. Three weeks prior the captain had walked in on her astrometrics officer on the holodeck kissing a Kathryn Janeway hologram. Next to it was the first officer`s hologram. Normally the young woman who possessed enhanced auditory function should have heard the captain walking into the holodeck but she failed. Apparently she was too busy attending a kissing lesson conducted by the holo commanding team. Janeway stood at the holodeck entrance. She watched as the young woman was kissed by the Kathryn hologram then by the Chakotay hologram. Then Seven had a cute furrow on her brows as she decided on which kiss was more enjoyable. Janeway then heard Seven telling the hologram her conclusion that she found the Kathryn hologram`s kisses were extremely enjoyable but the Chakotay hologram`s kisses were not. Kathryn quickly walked away from the holodeck entrance. There was no place to hide so she quickly hid stood in an alcove along the bulkhead next to the automated fire suppressor. It was such a small place which did not really serve its purpose but she had nowhere else to go in such a short time and she had to think fast. When she craned her neck to look where she had come from she was just in time to see Seven strut towards the opposite direction. Janeway wondered what her crew would think if they saw her hiding in a crook of the bulkhead. She got out of her hiding place and followed Seven from a distance. She saw the ex drone disappear into a turbo lift. Kathryn sighed with relief and walked back to where she had come from.

 

Janeway had been avoiding her astrometrics officer ever since the holodeck discovery. During morning staff meetings Kathryn tried to avoid eye contact with the young woman but the irresistible pouty lips as Seven spoke were hard to resist. Kathryn found herself staring at them. She rarely sat on the bridge only doing so when she was called. So the star ship captain spent a lot of time in her ready room. The advantage to her being in her office was that she got most of the work done. What Janeway did not know was that her movements were tracked by one determined ex Borg who knew that the captain was avoiding her. So the young woman devised plans to be with Janeway even for just a few minutes at a time. She would create calculations or conjure up topics for philosophical discussions and planned velocity matches and dinners in the mess halls. Janeway had tried avoiding the late night philosophical discussions.

 

Janeway sat on the bridge one morning. She quietly conversed with her first officer regarding ship`s business when suddenly Tuvok reported that sensors had picked up a vessel coming through a space time rift straight ahead of the intrepid class star ship and that it had a Federation signature. That piqued all bridge officers` attention. The pilot of the Federation shuttle hailed the star ship. When the captain ordered Tuvok to view the hail on screen Janeway was shocked to come face to face with...an older version of herself. Janeway heard someone`s breath hitch. She briefly looked back to see her astrometrics officer, who was standing at the engineering console on the bridge, looking intently at the large forward view screen. 

 

The admiral ordered the Voyager crew to close the rift as Klingons were attempting to follow her in. When captain Janeway hesitated the admiral simply pulled rank on her younger self. Captain Janeway had to obey the admiral and brought her aboard Voyager. For three days the admiral tried to convince her younger self to go through the trans warp conduit which would get them home. At one point Janeway thought that her older self was an alien deception so she suggested rechecking the admiral`s identity. 

 

CARGO BAY TWO

 

Admiral Kathryn Janeway remembered how stubborn she used to be so she decided to involve someone else to try and convince the captain. That evening, after having dinner with the captain, the admiral went to cargo bay two to meet Seven of Nine, her old friend. She walked into the cargo bay and saw the flickering green lights glowing. It was strangely calming for her. She looked further into the room and saw her long lost friend standing in the alcove, regenerating and very much alive. Kathryn resisted the urge to reach out and stop the cycle so that she could tell her things she wanted to say a long time ago.

 

The older woman stood in a dark corner for a few minutes simply gazing at the beautiful young regenerating woman. Then she walked away from the corner and placed her hand on the alcove`s control panel. There were only twelve minutes left till the end of the cycle.

"Chirp! Warning. Regeneration cycle incomplete." The female disembodied voice of the computer warned. Janeway stood back and watched the young woman`s eyes flutter then opened. For a brief moment Seven seemed a bit disoriented. She looked around the cargo bay and finally she saw the face of a smiling Admiral Kathryn Janeway.

"Admiral? How can i help you?" Seven asked politely. She was captivated by the admiral`s signature crooked smile.

"Hello would be nice but it doesn`t matter. I am here to talk to you, to tell you what i should have done a long time ago, from my perspective, of course." Seven was curious. She looked at the admiral. This was Janeway down to her DNA. She loved her voice, her lop sided smile, her beautiful silver hair, the expressive blue grey eyes. Seven knew that she loved the older woman. She did not know how this worked out, that she loved both the captain and the senior admiral at the same time. The woman decided that this was the time to test her holo deck theory. She was going to kiss the other woman.

 

Without much thought Seven stepped down from the dais and came to stand in front of the other woman. She cupped the beautiful face in front of her with her hands then brought her face close to hers. When the admiral did not move away Seven opened he r mouth to nibble the lower lip. That caused the admiral to open her mouth and let the young woman in. Years of pent up longing came to the surface. The admiral felt herself moving her hands to hold both of the young woman`s shoulders as the kiss went on until they had to come up for air.

"So, what do you think of the experiment?" Admiral Janeway asked huskily. Seven was surprised that the admiral knew of her little holo deck experiment. She believed that Janeway had told her then she remembered that the older woman`s time line and hers were identical up to a certain point. She will have to ask Janeway about the exact time later but for now she had to kiss the older woman some more. 

"Perfection." Seven replied causing the older woman to smile. They came back together again for another toe curling kissing session which went on for a while. A thought of the young woman cheating on her captain came to Seven which inflamed her. She intensified the kiss until she felt as if she was floating in the air. She wanted more with this woman. She had to touch her.

"Admiral we need to go to your quarters. Now." The ex droned ordered her superior officer. That was one order the admiral was happy to follow. 

 

The two women walked casually to the guest quarters on deck three opposite captain Janeway`s quarters, where the senior officer was staying. The moment they walked through the door and it had closed behind them they started kissing again.

"How do you remove this thing?" The senior officer asked her companion as she tampered with the Borg woman`s blue bio suit.

"Allow me." The younger woman replied and proceeded to carry out the directive.


	5. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Janeway teaches Seven of Nine about humanity while Captain Janeway gets jealous of their interaction. Is it possible for one to get jealous of oneself?

Captain Janeway stayed in the ready room a bit longer to finish up on her personal log. In it she explained at length about how she felt about having her older self on the same ship and whether she will be able to take orders from the senior Janeway. She called her arrogant, bossy and other colourful streams of adjectives. Janeway`s greatest fear was not what the admiral suggested, that the crew should take Voyager through the trans warp conduit, but coercing the young woman, Seven of Nine, into doing something unethical. Janeway let out a humourless chuckle. If the admiral was anything like her, then she will have unrequited love for Seven, and that was the source of her fear. Why the hell was she jealous? Was she really jealous of herself? Kathryn found it all confusing. Then she laughed, this time a good belly laugh, when she remembered that time travel gave her a headache. Janeway ended her log and decided to call it a day. Then she remembered the young woman and her discovery on the holo deck. She remembered that she had to track Seven`s movements so that they do not bump into each other in the corridors or worse, in the same turbo lifts. Then Janeway remembered, shamefully, that she had memorized the young woman`s regeneration schedule. This made her slightly embarrassed but it did not stop her from tracking Seven`s whereabouts.

"Computer, locate Seven of Nine?" Janeway asked the computer as she exited the ready room and walked purposefully towards the turbo lift.

"Seven of Nine is in the guest quarters on deck three." The disembodied, unemotional computer voice said. Captain Janeway stopped dead in her tracks. She looked around to see Tuvok raise an eye brow at her then went back to scanning on his work console. 

"I knew that woman was trouble the moment she beamed onto my ship!" Janeway murmured to herself as she started walking again, albeit rather slowly. She was seething with anger at the older woman for misleading an innocent woman.

"Innocent woman?" Kathryn`s inner voice asked reasonably. She opened her mouth to respond, thought better of it and closed it again. At that moment she realized that the young woman may have been making attempts at reaching out to her in the past. She remembered all the times when Seven delivered reports personally rather than using the computer, times when the young woman requested to have philosophical discussions in the dead of night and many other scenarios. She remembered not encouraging the young woman during these interactions, in fact she started avoiding the young woman. Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose as she realized that she was, in fact, the one who drove the young woman away to the holo deck to seek answers by interacting and experimenting with holograms. If the senior Janeway was available to offer the young woman some education on humanity naturally Seven would readily accept the offer. This seemed to be what was happening now. The troubled Kathryn sighed and walked out of the turbo lift on deck three and walked slowly towards her quarters. The corridor was empty and frankly she was grateful for it as she did not feel like talking to anyone. 

 

Seven of Nine lay in the admiral`s lap. They were both in bed and in the nude surrounded by a cocoon of warm blankets and a multitude of pillows. Janeway gently stroked the younger woman`s hair as Seven closed her eyes. It was good to lie in Kathryn`s arms. Seven had learned a few things on this day. She now knew that two women could indeed have a fulfilling sexual relation and that she herself had multiple erogenous zones. Seven also found out that the admiral was particularly sensitive behind her ears and that she loved to have attention to her breasts. 

"So, Seven what do you think about this practical lesson in humanity?"

"I think i am in love with both of you Kathryns. I wish your other self would `loosen up` and join us." Seven said lazily with her eyes still shut. She felt too lazy to move, let alone open her eyes. This was perfection, she thought to herself. The admiral felt laughter bubbling up from within then threw her head back and laughed. Seven continued to lie in her lap. She cracked an eye open and looked up to see the beautiful admiral laugh. She was so very happy. After she had calmed down Seven asked her to explain.

"I`m laughing at captain Janeway. Do you really think she would want to come and join us? The woman is as rigid as a pole made of titanium. She is Starfleet through and through. When she sleeps she probably dreams about rules and regulations. Sex? Lovemaking? She wouldn`t engage herself in such irrelevant things." The older woman said. Seven was now sitting up next to her lover. She nodded with understanding at what the admiral said about her counterpart. 

"What do you suggest i do to get you both here, in bed, with me?" The younger woman asked.

"The best thing you could do is to forcefully drag her into bed with you, tie her up and threaten her with assimilation." The admiral started to laugh again, this time the Borg woman joined in with a smile.

"If i do that she will accuse me of violation and rape then throw me in the brig." Seven said reasonably.

"No, she will be too embarrassed to report the incident to anyone so she`ll accept it then eventually she`ll see logic in your actions." Janeway senior said. Seven thought about that for a minute.

"You are being facetious."

"Not at all. I know the woman. She is me." 

 

As soon as Janeway entered into her quarters she started taking off her uniform leaving a string of discarded items of clothing in her wake. By the time she reached the bedroom she was nude. Kathryn wanted a hot bath and she was probably going to get into bed early in preparation of the important staff meeting the following day where the crew were going to discuss addition of the admiral`s futuristic technology to Voyager`s systems. Janeway considered asking the computer of Seven of Nine`s whereabouts again but soon discarded the thought. "She was probably still having `philosophical discussions` with her new best friend." The moment Janeway said that loud the abstaract situation was brought into perspective. She realized that she was green with envy and even jealous of their interactions but if she were to be honest with herself she was afraid the admiral and Seven were involved in intimacy. She hurriedly got into the bath and only spent a short time. Suddenly the bath was not relaxing anymore. Kathryn found herself putting on a white long sleeved blouse and a pair of black trousers with a pair of white trainers. She walked towards the door and found her feet taking her to the admiral`s quarters. 

 

The door to the guest quarters silently parted open for her. She was surprised but concealed it. Kathryn briefly stood in the middle of the spacious living area, which was slightly bigger than her quarters. The engineers at Utopia Planetia had designed the guest quarters with a family of four in mind even though Voyager was not a generational ship. Captain Janeway continued to stand in the middle of the room not knowing what to do. She debated whether to proceed to the bedroom then discarded the idea as that would seem too obvious of her intention of visiting the admiral. She considered calling out to the occupant then discarded that idea as well. Janeway finally thought of just sitting on the couch and waited.

"So, Kathryn. You`ve finally decided to join us? Well, come in don`t just stand there or sit..or whatever you`re doing." Admiral Janeway`s voice projected from the bedroom. Janeway sensed laughter in the voice.

"Um, are you ok, Katie? Why do you want me to come to your bedroom?" Janeway did not want to be proven right by her logical self. She just did not want to know what was going on in her other self`s life right then.

"Oh just come in, you. I want to show you something. Something i should have shown you ages ago."

"Something you should have shown me ages ago? How would that be possible? We`ve just met."

"Details, details, Katie. You really need to learn to loosen up, as my good friend Seven said." Janeway stood up from the couch and headed to the admiral`s bedroom. She stood at the door holding both hands against the door frame. What she saw caused the hinges in her jaws to dissolve. Her jaws lost cohesion and fell to the floor.

"Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway. What the hell do you think you`re doing with that innocent woman?!" The captain was furious. Two women lying in bed with covers going up to their chests. It was obvious that they wore nothing underneath. Seven lay her head on the admiral`s chest. She took a deep breath in and exhaled it slowly. Some of her anger had dissipated but jealousy set in. She wished she had the courage to be with the young woman. Janeway did not want to cause a scene so she walked back out and returned to her quarters. As time passed into minutes then hours Kathryn Janeway realized that she should let things go. The admiral deserved happiness in her life this one last time before she left Voyager. Strangely that discovery gave the troubled captain a great peace of mind. She realized that the admiral had traveled through time to help them get home but she may not survive the fight against the Borg Queen. So why deny her a chance at loving someone. It may be her only chance at love.

 

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat on the couch in her quarters and contemplated that night`s events. Her older self may die to give them life, to offer them a chance to get home and be happy. She would not be the one to deny the kind, older woman a chance at happiness.

"Admiral Kathryn Janeway, be happy. That`s an order." Janeway smiled to herself as she whispered to the air around her quarters.

 

THE END.


End file.
